Conversations about your personal physical relationships are sometimes hard, I know that when I need to have a conversation of this nature I get really nervous. Yes, nervous; a conversation like this puts you in a vulnerable position it brings up a mountain of emotions that are tough to handle because of the unknown capabilities of the conversation that is to take place. There is a certain uneasiness that goes with these conversations. I think I know where my nerves come from, they come from a place where rejection exists. Even in marriage there is rejection. The rejection I speak of is the obligation of marriage to one another. I think it is what happens after we allow the relationship to go stale. Kids, aging parents and grandparents, personal advancements, etc.… All of these things can and will cause us to do just what we are obligated to do for our spouses. Marriage to me is not obligatory it is very deliberate meaning that we made a choice to love our spouses in front of God and our families. It’s painful I know and scary of what may happen if we continue to try to our spouse doesn’t reciprocate it. Obligation is like being on auto-pilot, you know what you are supposed to do but you don’t put your all into it; you just oblige your spouse because that is what you think you are supposed to do. What I can say is that anything that causes pain for another human is not Christ like. So getting angry and handling things for yourself and hurting another individual is not what Christ wants any of us to do. In some of my past blog posts I have spoken of conversation in the relationship. This still holds true in the strongest fashion; you see it is not necessarily anything biological that is need to sustain life but having a physical relationship with your spouse let both of you know that you are wanted by the other. If the physical relationship you have is not what you need then have a conversation about it. If no middle ground can be met, then maybe counseling needs to happen. Maybe the relationship needs to be resolved whatever the decision it “the conversation” needs to happen between the two of you. Speaking with friends, barbers, your crew will only mount confusion and skew those groups to your favor.
I can tell you this though not having that conversation and just cheating or sneaking around, not only hurts the spouse in the relationship with you; it hurts you as well. The reason is that you are lying to yourself if you think that handling the situation in this way is OK and that in a nutshell is poisonous to you. Marriage is sacred and if you ever want to know for yourself that everything has been done by you and your spouse you must see it through to ever exhaustible end. If the physical part of the relationship is not where you think it should be. You are feeling neglected, alone, unconnected let your spouse know. Things are not going to change overnight though in fact it will take a lot of time for any noticeable action to show up in the relationship. Keep talking and making requests not demands. You want conversations not situations where ultimatums are being blasted around to the other, that isn’t going to help either of you.
We are only as strong as the bonds we make within our relationships. If there is no bond then there is no trust, if there is no trust then there can and will be no relationship. Hanging out with shallow people and just doing things that are un-fulfilling and unwarranted. These things will only prolong your agony which in turn makes you think that someone else is doing something to you personally. I am just spit bawling here possibly rambling too, but we have to have faith that things happen for a reason. Once we choose to believe we will be blessed abundantly, this does not mean that you become a door mat to someone though. Conversation is just the opposite it shines light into those dark corners and keeps them out and from being able to hide. Having the confidence to have these conversations is hard sometimes. The rejection is a component of fear, having a stale relationship is not good but having a conversation about it can possibly make it fresh again. I only speak what is on my heart at any given time, for those that are going through some of these situations ask for the strength to handle it because it will not be taken away. It is your cross to bear until it is time to lay it down. Conversations enable you the power to put something down. So don’t hold your tongue have those tough conversations, use them to keep those dark places out of your marriages and relationships.