Tough Relationship Conversation


couple_in_bed_upsetConversations about your personal physical relationships are sometimes hard, I know that when I need to have a conversation of this nature I get really nervous. Yes, nervous; a conversation like this puts you in a vulnerable position it brings up a mountain of emotions that are tough to handle because of the unknown capabilities of the conversation that is to take place. There is a certain uneasiness that goes with these conversations. I think I know where my nerves come from, they come from a place where rejection exists. Even in marriage there is rejection. The rejection I speak of is the obligation of marriage to one another. I think it is what happens after we allow the relationship to go stale. Kids, aging parents and grandparents, personal advancements, etc.… All of these things can and will cause us to do just what we are obligated to do for our spouses. Marriage to me is not obligatory it is very deliberate meaning that we made a choice to love our spouses in front of God and our families. It’s painful I know and scary of what may happen if we continue to try to our spouse doesn’t reciprocate it. Obligation is like being on auto-pilot, you know what you are supposed to do but you don’t put your all into it; you just oblige your spouse because that is what you think you are supposed to do. What I can say is that anything that causes pain for another human is not Christ like. So getting angry and handling things for yourself and hurting another individual is not what Christ wants any of us to do. In some of my past blog posts I have spoken of conversation in the relationship. This still holds true in the strongest fashion; you see it is not necessarily anything biological that is need to sustain life but having a physical relationship with your spouse let both of you know that you are wanted by the other. If the physical relationship you have is not what you need then have a conversation about it. If no middle ground can be met, then maybe counseling needs to happen. Maybe the relationship needs to be resolved whatever the decision it “the conversation” needs to happen between the two of you. Speaking with friends, barbers, your crew will only mount confusion and skew those groups to your favor. physical

I can tell you this though not having that conversation and just cheating or sneaking around, not only hurts the spouse in the relationship with you; it hurts you as well. The reason is that you are lying to yourself if you think that handling the situation in this way is OK and that in a nutshell is poisonous to you. Marriage is sacred and if you ever want to know for yourself that everything has been done by you and your spouse you must see it through to ever exhaustible end. If the physical part of the relationship is not where you think it should be. You are feeling neglected, alone, unconnected let your spouse know. Things are not going to change overnight though in fact it will take a lot of time for any noticeable action to show up in the relationship. Keep talking and making requests not demands. You want conversations not situations where ultimatums are being blasted around to the other, that isn’t going to help either of you.

best_relationshipWe are only as strong as the bonds we make within our relationships. If there is no bond then there is no trust, if there is no trust then there can and will be no relationship. Hanging out with shallow people and just doing things that are un-fulfilling and unwarranted. These things will only prolong your agony which in turn makes you think that someone else is doing something to you personally. I am just spit bawling here possibly rambling too, but we have to have faith that things happen for a reason. Once we choose to believe we will be blessed abundantly, this does not mean that you become a door mat to someone though. Conversation is just the opposite it shines light into those dark corners and keeps them out and from being able to hide. Having the confidence to have these conversations is hard sometimes. The rejection is a component of fear, having a stale relationship is not good but having a conversation about it can possibly make it fresh again. I only speak what is on my heart at any given time, for those that are going through some of these situations ask for the strength to handle it because it will not be taken away. It is your cross to bear until it is time to lay it down. Conversations enable you the power to put something down. So don’t hold your tongue have those tough conversations, use them to keep those dark places out of your marriages and relationships.



Stephen Curry the man

As a basketball player he has a bit of magic with him. In this era that is being played today he is the embodiment of what the NBA has become. The last couple of holdouts have left or are leaving “Kobe Bryant” and “Tim Duncan” even Kevin Garnett. All things are about change even the NBA. If the game was still being played like it had been in previous seasons a lot of the guys that are headliners now wouldn’t be.

Curry however is a part of this era, his work ethic is great and he is being rewarded for it. I am sure his dad is very proud of what he has been able to accomplish but also as the rest of the basketball is doing thinks about how much the league has changed. Has the changes been for the better and not just because his own sons are slight of frame and able to benefit from the changes in the rules. Being a dad we can have rose-colored glasses when it comes to our kids. Having held a position in the same work place but at a different era we all know he reflects. The league just as everything does changes. Stephen though has transcended a lot of the boundaries that many never thought he would. His believe in himself and his creator is what I think gives him an edge. He met his wife in a Christian camp his second coach was a Christian minister from New York. Faith is all around him and what he does.

The NBA is not a workplace where not believing in yourself is going to be beneficial to you. I mean if you do have the utmost confidence in your own personal capabilities, you will still need a lot more to be a dominant force in the NBA. It is what you do with the dominance that allows you to be special. Curry could be arrogant, glory hogging, and self-proclaimed basketball god. He does not carry himself that way nor was he raised to be that man either. To be a smaller player and be considered a dominant player is where you know he has a little magic and a lot faith. I like comparing him to Allen Iverson. No they are nothing alike physically but their determination and drive and their belief in the creator are almost picture perfect. To be a smaller guy in the NBA you have to be special and give the glory to the father above and that is what both of them did and are doing. Curry has taken the league by storm and showing what having faith in Christ will do for you. He has to believe in his self we all do; but when we see the things that we are able to do and we know we didn’t do alone and honoring the one who has held your hand through all of it is the best reward any of us can hope to see as an example. There have been a lot of bigger and stronger players but not many that have humbled themselves or the humility of Stephen Curry. He doesn’t care about the accolades he cares about playing the game the right way.

I as a fan only hope that he continues the same practices throughout the rest of his life to be that light that Christ has asked us to be; to bring the most guarded heart to Christianity. He is using his blessings to show the power of Christ.


Marital Blessings Continued

Talking on the subject of submission to one another is always the best way. I think that we as humans put so much emphasis on what the woman should do and not think so much as to what we as men should do for our women. We should make them feel comfortable, safe, and wanted. It is up to us to make sure that they make a path to Christ and join us in that walk with him. One of the best blessing that God has given us in marriage is the gift of speech. With it we can ask things of one another, we can request things from one another, but we must not ever demand anything from one another. This is disrespectful and will be received just as it was given, like the anger and resentment that was used to spout those words you will receive the same back.

If we are to be successful in our marriages, then we must use our words. I must use my words to build her up, not tear her down. I was at one-time was sending Praise and Uplift texts to my wife letting her know what I noticed about her and how much I respected her for it. Life and family has since slowed that down but when I remember you can believe that I get something to her that will keep her spirits up. I cherish her and the strength that she brings to the marriage. These are the things that we must do in order to strengthen each other. Outside forces are going to try to tear you apart and will if given the chance. You as a couple must fight together to ensure that the bond you had on our wedding day still exist throughout the time of your lives. I know our marriage has taken it shots but we are still here and trying to maintain that bond. As we age their will our parents aging and us needing to help there and kids getting married and them trying to hold their bonds together as well. All of this will try to make a wedge between the two of you. We must hold strong and keep the communication lines open with one another’s spouse or partner so that we know where we stand and what is going on.

It is our blessing to outlive our parents and if we have the means to help and aid in their aging process then do that whatever that may be. If you cannot afford to do so financially then do what you can to help it don’t make it have to be a financial burden to your family. Even if you can afford it again communicate that with your spouse or partner. All of these blessings may not seem like blessings while they are happening but we must all remember that we are going through this portion of our life to be a blessing to someone else at another time. Being married is a huge blessing, so its best to be happy and cause the devil pain and shame. Show your strong Christianity traits and spread the word of how Christ has blessed you and your family. That is a purpose that we must bear and live. So be that blessing to someone today.