Support, Empathy and Truth

Following the SET Formula

I have been reading about the SET formula developed by Jerold Kreisman, M.D. and I’ve found it genius ever since! It’s a great road-map to follow in a time of conflict, especially when the other person is opening up about their feelings. It stands for: Support, Empathy, and Truth.

When going into a conflict, it’s helpful to follow this easy model. Start with support by letting the person know you care about them and desire to be there for them. Start with something like, “I care about you and our friendship deeply.” This will let the other person know that you genuinely want to hear their side of the story and relate to how they’re feeling. This will go a long way in conflict resolution!

Once they know you support them it’s time to empathize. This means expressing to them you understand their feelings and what they might be going through, “It must be hard to.” You might not be able to know exactly what they are going through but perhaps you can relate to the emotion.

It’s important to clarify that validating feelings does not mean that you agree with them, only that you recognize that he or she is feeling them. The supportive communication method does not mean that you are letting the person off the hook; instead you are focusing on honest communication and ensuring that you are being heard, not just reacting to and defending against what is being said.

If they are feeling betrayed, perhaps there is a time in your life you felt that same way. If they feel misunderstood, maybe you can recall a time when you did as well. Find that shared emotion and tap into it; let that person know you both can relate and speak to where they’re at.

Only when you have let the other person know you support and empathize with them can you then share truth. Sharing truth means sharing a reality with them if you have a certain concern. They might not take your advice or follow through, but chances are they will receive what you have to say to them much better if they first feel like you care about them above all.

Following the SET formula helps to take the focus off of yourself and instead put yourself in the other person’s shoes. It opens their heart to conflict resolution and leads to a better understanding between the two of you.

reposted from the You Version Bible

I am finding the best way to learn is from those who have already found some success from the book that has been here before all of us.


Don’t Be Afraid


I would say one of the main reasons I avoid conflict is because I’m afraid of how the other person might respond. I get nervous they might be offended, or be hurt, or leave me. I’ve been so afraid of anything that resembled an argument or disagreement that I’ve shut down and avoided the conflict altogether.web1874729_ml

Maybe you relate and as a result, shy away from saying anything. Perhaps you end up living with the hurt or bottling it up, only to explode at another time. You can’t allow the fear of how another will react rob you of conflict resolution, and ultimately, peace.

Fear in this situation should be an indicator to yourself that conflict is not being handled properly. If this is you, today is the day you are being called to step out of that fear!

It is no coincidence you are reading this today and God has something He wants to do in your life in this specific area.

Will you let Him?

God did not give you a spirit of fear, but one of love, and this is a perfect reminder of how we should respond to any conflict. Go into it with love for the other person and God will honor you for that obedience. we all have these types of issues in our lives and some of us handle them better than others. I am working to not be one of those that are not willing to do the work on any conflict that I have. You shouldn’t be afraid to do the same. Don’t allow the fear to bottle you up to where you are shut down. Listen and hear first what your heart says then move on from there if possible.Conflict-Zones-600x250


Reposted from Navigating Conflict – You Version Bible



The thought of forgiveness is easy, actually reading about how to perform the actual act in the Bible and following it is another thing. I don’t think my interpretation quite matches that in the good book. I would love to say that I truly have forgiven everyone that has wronged or crossed me but I can’t honestly say that. I am working toward that goal though.

Forgive-picture-quote-free-downloadIt is not so much the forgiving part as it is the remembering and getting angry again. I am not sure if that is actually forgiveness. The lord is working with me on that one.

How are you doing with the forgiveness portion of your life?


Forgiveness Aug11


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